


The One Where Illya Gets Tentadicked

by Tish



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: M/M, Other, Tentacle Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:01:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29267655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/pseuds/Tish
Summary: There's all sorts of danger -- and pleasure -- in the depths of the ocean!
Relationships: Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo, Illya Kuryakin/Tentacles
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	The One Where Illya Gets Tentadicked

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AMintJulep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMintJulep/gifts).



Napoleon couldn't help fretting every time Illya went underwater. Primal images of sea beasts crept into his mind, unnerving him with dead-eyed stares and slimy slithering bodies. Napoleon much preferred his sea creatures deep-fried and with a side of vegetables. He let a small smile lighten his tense mood as he imagined Illya at an all you can eat buffet, juggling plates loaded with seafood and a beer glass the size of his head. It was better than imagining what Illya was facing in those dark depths below.

Instinct and training kicked in and he checked his watch, then scanned along the beach. It was secluded and totally silent. Out over the dark ocean, the stars reflected brilliantly, and Napoleon felt himself to be momentarily floating above and untethered from Earth.

Almost perceptively, the tide started to come in, and Napoleon listened to the gentle rhythmic sighing of the incoming waves. Another, more chaotic sound began to be heard against the waves, and Napoleon squinted into the darkness, gradually perceiving a slightly less dark shape against the water.

Illya!

Napoleon's relief began to crumble as he saw the shape become larger than a man could be.

A whale or dolphin, beaching itself?

Napoleon weighed his options, deciding it would be foolhardy to try and rescue a sea creature by himself, and in the dark, too. Maybe once Illya returned, they could try something.

There was yet another sound drifting towards the beach and Napoleon frowned as he tried to identify it. It sounded for all the world like Illya in the throes of passion. _Ridiculous_ , Napoleon said to himself. Still, the moans grew louder as the shape reached the beast.

By now, there was a glimmer of light on the horizon from the rising moon, and Napoleon could make out the shape more distinctly. Something long rose up into the air languidly, then curled up, joined by a shorter limb. This one was definitely human, Napoleon realised, just as another orgasmic moan echoed along the beach.

“Illya!” Napoleon bolted up and frantically closed the gap, hurling himself at the aquatic creature attacking Illya.

There was a squeal and a flurry of tentacles as the creature protested the intrusion. Illya grabbed on to them, trying to pull them back to him, whispering in fevered Russian.

Napoleon lunged again, hooking his arms underneath Illya's, the wetsuit in tattered shreds barely hanging to his body. “Illya, kick it away!”

Instead, Illya wrapped his legs around the creature and moaned deeply as a tentacle slipped between his legs, accompanied by lewd sucking sounds. By now, there was just enough light for Napoleon to see exactly where the tentacle was going, and he cried out in anger. He scrambled for his knife and shook Illya. “Stay still, I'm going to cut you loose!”

The words cut through Illya's intoxicated desire, and he snarled something very rude in Russian, trying to fend off the knife. Simultaneously, there was a shriek from the tentacle creature and it disengaged, quickly disappearing into a wave as it crashed over them.

“No!” Illya gave a soft, sad moan as he tried to grab the retreating tentabeast.

Napoleon stared at the ocean, dumbfounded, then slowly turned his gaze back to Illya. His naked body was still writhing, his erection getting Napoleon's undivided attention until Illya moaned again.

Eyes slowly tracking to Illya's face, Napoleon asked, “Illya, are you okay? Also, what the hell just happened?”

“Wonderful,” Illya gasped. “I have no idea, but it was wonderful, right up to the point where it stopped being wonderful when _someone_ threatened it with a knife. Now I'm lying here pointing to the North Star.”

“Ah. I think I can and should do something to make it up to you, Illya,” Napoleon said as he lay down beside Illya. As he grasped Illya's cock, an incoming wave washed over them, and he kissed a newly moaning Illya. “I'll buy you lunch later. Calamari.”


End file.
